Cyber Attribution Report

Cyber Attack Attribution Report


Country: Canada
APT Group Name: EH?
Attack Vector: A cyber pathogen from Farook's iPhone
Malware Used: Trojan.Emysair
Data lost in the breach: The only copy of your Rich Grandmother's Will
Who's to blame? Dick Cheney
Who's getting fired? The Intern
Contributing factors/excuses: RFID Badge too close to server
Will Fox News call it "Cyber Terrorism?" Yes, but only after MSNBC does.
Will we be targeted again? No. And tomorrow you'll be visited by a unicorn who poops rainbows.
Cost of the data loss: $1 billion (insert Dr. Evil Accent)
How much did you save using this tool for attribution? You saved a puppy, a real live puppy